Don't call me crazy
by regaholic
Summary: Regina Mills is admitted to Seattle Brooke psychiatric hospital at the age of 22, since she had been suffering with anorexia and depression for 7 years. Here she meets Emma Swan, an 18 year old girl suffering with schizophrenia. (Rated M for sensitive topics and for later chapters) THIS IS AN AU
1. New Arrival

**_Chapter One_**

 _Regina feels heavy pressure on her wrists as she lies back, her head rolling from side to side as she is pushed down a corridor on a stretcher. Doctors are mumbling some medical mumbo jumbo, her eyes fix on a young nurse who is looking down at her face with the same look she was so familiar with._

 _Pity._

 _"Has anyone got in contact with Dr Hopper" she hears a doctor ask no one in particular as he continues to press down on Regina's wrist. Regina begins to shake, kicking her legs out before trying to pull her arms out of the doctors vice grip. Not Dr Hopper, anyone but Dr Hopper. "Someone sedate the girl" he calls throwing an arm across her waist to try to keep her in place._

 _"No, no please" she cries her gaze still fixed on the young nurse who now has tears in her eyes "You have to help me" she pleads searching the girl's eyes. She mouths an apology before pushing an injection into Regina's skin. "No" she whimpers closing her eyes, tears run down her cheeks as she begins to feel herself fall into unconsciousness. She thinks of her father, her ex-lover and most importantly the little boy her sister had taken into her custody._

 _And then there is nothing but darkness._

* * *

Regina stares out the window of Dr Hopper's office, her hair pulled back and face bare of any traces of makeup. "My mother, Did she set this up? Did she ask you to come see me?" she asks her attention drawn to a fly helplessly trying escape through the small opening of the window. She suddenly felt sorry for the small creature, almost emphasized with it, the feeling of being trapped and unable to do anything about it.

"Why would you think that Regina?" he asks tapping his pen against his note pad. She sighs bringing her bottom lip between her teeth.

Why wouldn't she think that? She had been here for almost four months with no sign of her mother paying a visit, no doubt to ashamed of her daughter's faults. Her father however had made it a ritual to visit her at least once a week, she had found it charming for the first couple of weeks, but as time went on she could see the pain behind her father's eyes, she could see what this was doing to him and she was starting to resent herself for it.

"- She cares for you Regina, you know that" Regina scoffs tugging at the sleeves of her pyjamas. Her fingers dip beneath the material tracing lines across the scars that litter her wrist. She takes a deep breath and turns to face the doctor who is watching her intensely.

"She locked me away instead of having to face talking to me, what mother does that to her child?" she snaps before taking a deep breath.

"Is that what you think?" he asked raising an eyebrow "That she locked you away".

"Well you're not letting me out any time soon are you?" she throws her hands up in defeat "You keep saying that you're doing what is best for me but so far all you've done is throw drugs at me. This place-"she pauses looking around the room "-this place is driving me crazy" her voice fails her as she tries to supress any emotion that's threatening to escape her.

"This is what you need Regina" he smiles reassuringly as he places his pen down and rests his hands in his lap. "It may not seem like it right now, but you need this".

Regina looked back at the fly still helplessly struggling against the glass barrier preventing it from being free. She smiled widely before reaching over and releasing the latch on the window. The fly remained still for a moment, she continued to stare waiting patiently for it's next move, and with hesitant movements she nudged the back of the fly with the tips of her fingers sending the small creature into a frenzy before heading into the fresh air.

"Better?" she turned and looked at the older man before smiling and nodding. "Now Regina a female nurse is going to come in and weigh you and –"

"No" Regina snapped pulling her knees up to her chest "I don't want too. Not today, please" she whispered staring the man directly in the eyes.

"I truly am sorry Regina but in order to monitor your progress we have to do this." He sighed leaning forward "We've discussed this. It'll be over before you know it" he smiled standing up.

Regina's thoughts were interrupted by a small blonde woman walking into the room "Regina this is Ashley" Dr Hopper smiled shaking hands with the blonde "She'll take you from here"

Regina pushed her legs out from beneath her before reluctantly standing up and following the blonde into a smaller room.

"Ok Regina, now if you'd just change into this" she smiled handing the brunette a hospital gown "And then we'll get started" Regina rolled her eyes at the blondes overly enthusiastic smile as she took hold of the gown and began to remove her pyjamas. Her hands skimmed over her hips, and her breath hitched.

Fat.

"Is there any way I can go to the toilet before you um-" she waved her hand in the direction of the scales before turning to face the nurse.

"Yes of course dear." She stood up and opened the door gesturing for Regina to follow her. With light footsteps Regina followed her until the blonde stopped in the middle of the corridor "Here they are dear. I'm afraid I'll have to wait outside the door" she frowned slightly rocking back and forth on her heals.

"Right" Regina winced closing her eyes briefly. "I'll be right out". Regina pushed open the door and stepped into the cubicle making sure to lock the door behind her. She quickly turned on the taps, before dropping to her knees, almost like an automatic response her fingers were down her throat and gags were leaving her lips.

Loud bangs on the door startled the brunette as she continued to cough and wretch. "Regina dear I need you to open the door" Ashley called as the knocks grew louder. "Can someone page Dr Hopper please" she heard the nurse call from the other side of the door.

Regina closed her eyes trying desperately to drown out the sound of Ashley's voice as she leant further over the toilet emptying the contents of her stomach. It doesn't burn anymore, not like it used too. She sits back on her heals wiping her mouth with the back of her hand before emotionlessly pushing the plunger with unsteady fingers.

It wasn't long before the door flew open and Dr Hopper stood there with a heavy frown "Regina" he breathed staring down at the brunette who was now staring at him with wide watery eyes. "You had been making so much progress" he sighed shaking his head. He turned to Ashley "Get her cleaned up and take her back to her room. Miss Mills will not be getting weighed today" Regina felt a small smile tug at her lips as small arms wrapped around her wrist helping her stand up.

"I'm so stupid" Ashley muttered wrapping an arm around Regina's back as she guided her back to the main halls.

Regina pulled her eyebrows together as she listened to the nurse mutter to herself "Stupid?" she whispered turning to face Ashley.

"Yes stupid. I let a patient with and eating disorder go to the toilet before a weigh in" she shook her head letting out another sigh.

"It's not your fault. It's just me" she let out a shaky breath before staring down at the floor beneath her bare feet "I don't deserve this kind of help, I'm not worth all this time and effort. I just want to go home"

The blonde stopped walking, grabbing hold of the brunette's shoulders and turning her to face her. "You my dear are worth it. You just need the right person to show you just how much worth you have". Regina felt her eyes grow wet as she stared at the blonde. "Now come on, let's get you back to your room before the new resident arrives."

New resident?

The news lingered in Regina's head as she opened the door to her room. New residents meant new sob stories. She thought back to when Mary Margaret had arrived, the girl had been suffering with OCD for a while, screaming whenever it took more than 7 steps to get back to her room, saying that her mom would be killed if she didn't make it in 7 steps.

7.

7.

 _7._

The girl had been muttering it constantly, switching the lights on and off 7 times before falling asleep. At first it had drove Regina crazy, but now she had become accustom to it. The flickering of lights before she fell asleep reminded her that she wasn't alone nor was she the only one suffering in this place.

"So the rumours are true. There is a new resident arriving this afternoon" Regina turned to look at the young woman stood in her door way.

"Yes, I suppose they are" she mumbled sitting on her bed "Who told you?" she asked taking a pillow before hugging it close to her chest.

"Jefferson" she shrugged taking a few steps into the brunette's room taking her finger and dragging it across the top of Regina's bedside table inspecting for any dust. "Brought it up over breakfast, which you would know, if you were there" she turned and faced Regina before chuckling slightly.

"Yes well Dr Hopper insisted I went and seen him this morning so breakfast was off the cards for me" she shrugged a smile present on her face.

"Yes, we've all heard about your trip to Dr Hopper's office this morning" she laughed fake gagging pushing her fingers into her mouth "Silly girl" she smiled walking over to the girl before stroking the Regina's hair.

Regina closed her eyes leaning into the girl's touch she had missed this kind of intimacy growing up, only ever receiving hugs of her father when he was home from work, which appeared to be a rare occasion.

"Such a beautiful girl, why do you do this to yourself?" Regina leant out of the girls touch closing her eyes.

"I need to sleep Mary Margaret" she whispered "And I need to get changed" she laughed lightly gesturing to her hospital gown.

"Yes. Right, I'll leave you too it" she smirked "Perhaps I'll see you at lunch?" she questioned heading towards the door.

Regina faked a smile before nodding. Once the younger girl had left the room Regina laid back, holding the pillow over her face before letting out a much needed scream. It wasn't long before she felt herself grow tired, her body pulling her into a deep slumber.

A loud commotion outside Regina's room startled her awake. Rubbing her eyes she sat up, the room was much darker now and glancing at the clock she had noticed she had missed lunch and potentially dinner too.

Lifting herself up she swung her legs out from beneath her covers and headed to the door. Slowly she pulled it open, taking a glance out into the corridor. At first she had seen nothing, but it wasn't long before the screaming had begun again and she noticed a young blonde laying on the floor attempting to fight off two members of staff as they held her down by her shoulders. Dr Hopper crouched down next to the blonde stroking her hair whilst talking to her in hushed tones.

The blonde eventually calmed down, her arms falling limp by her side as her head lolled to one side. Regina took a step back pulling the door closer to her as she tried to make herself invisible. But it was too late, her sudden movements drew the attention of the blonde who was now staring at the brunette. A smirk spreading across her lips as Regina's mouth fell open.

"That's her then" she heard a voice next to her "Our newbie" Regina turned to face Jefferson who was aimlessly chewing on his thumb nail as he eyed the blonde now standing up and heading in their direction.

Regina's eyes stayed locked onto the blondes as she walked past, the blonde dropping a wink in her direction. Regina blushed and looked down to the ground unsure of why she was suddenly feeling shy in the other girl's presents.

"She looks like a nut case" she heard the man next to her chuckle "But I guess she'll fit in just right here aye pukey" he smiled nudging the brunette. "You are okay though right" he whispered "You know, after this morning" he shrugged kicking the air.

"I'm fine" she sighed "Hopper thinks keeping me in here is for my own good" she breaths opening her door wider.

"It is" he grinned turning to face his friend "Besides without being admitted here how would you have met me?" he smirked poking her ribs.

"I suppose it is refreshing knowing there's someone on this planet more fucked up than I am" she stuck her tongue out at him before letting out a laugh.

"What's going on here then?" Regina and Jefferson turned to face Mary Margaret who was now heading down the corridor carrying a small doll. "New residents arrived I take it" she smirks as a loud scream echoes down the corridor. "Jesus what are they doing to her" she winces as she covers her ears.

"I heard she's another schizophrenic" Jefferson whispers turning to look in the direction of where they had previously carried the blonde.

"Maybe you won't be alone anymore Jeff" Mary Margaret snickered "Well unless you want another conversation with Gold" she shrugged

"No. No way, I mean Gold's on his own level of crazy" the three chuckled unaware of Dr Hopper approaching them.

"Ah, what a pleasant surprise." The three of them averted there attention to the man now stood beside them "However I do believe it's time you three return to your rooms" he raised an eye brow as the three of them muttered _good night_ before heading back to their rooms.

* * *

Breakfast was dull. Regina sat sectioned off from the rest of the residents "doctors' orders the nurse had said when Regina began to protest. She leant back in her chair toying with the food in front of her whilst tapping her foot impatiently.

"We've got plenty of time Regina" the nurse muttered in between mouthfuls of porridge. Regina looked down at the plate in front of her, before pushing it further away from her. "If you don't eat that I'm sure Granny can find a liquid alternative" Granny was the name of the chief, Regina was yet to figure out why they called her that, although from the look of the woman it was rather obvious.

"You can't make me" Regina shrugged eyeing the nurse as she folded her arms across her chest.

"No but if you remain this way you will be sectioned, and once sectioned we can do as we please" she shrugged "Now finish your breakfast"

Regina sat up, reaching for her spoon with shaky fingers. The nurse watched her closely observing the girls movements "You gawking at me like I'm some kind of circus freak isn't helping me right now" she snapped lifting the spoon out of the bowl. Taking a deep breath she brought the spoon to her lips before shaking her head and placing it back in the bowl.

"It's okay dear, take your time. You'll get through this" Regina felt the nurses hand upon her own. Closing her eyes she lift the spoon back up to her lips taking a small mouthful, immediately reaching for her glass of water, taking a large gulp. "There we go." The nurse smiled "It's a start"

Regina frowned looking at the empty spoon in her hand. "If you don't mind, I think I've had enough now" Regina looked up at the nurse who closed her eyes briefly before looking back at the brunette.

"Right, I'll make note of it and inform Doctor Hopper" she said taking hold of the note pad across from her "I'll see you at lunch time" Regina pushed her chair out and headed towards the main lounge.

The room was quiet. Mary Margaret was in the far corner painting birds with one other resident she believed to be called Ruby. Ruby was unlike most residents here, there wasn't anything particularly wrong with her, the girl had just been a bit slow, acted almost like a child rather than the 21 year old she actually was. Regina had heard by Jefferson that she was raised by wolves, resulting on lack of primary development. Looking over at the girl sat on the floor, Regina could almost believe it.

"So how was breakfast?" Regina looked over at Jefferson who was sat in the far corner nursing a cup of tea.

"Blue was treating me like a child" She scoffed taking a seat next to her friend "Threatened me to be sectioned again" Jefferson chuckled throwing an arm around the brunette pulling her into his side.

"Sixth time this week" he laughed "Surprised you're not tied up being force fed through a tube" Regina hit his arm lightly, although his words did frighten her.

"Any news on the new resident?" she questioned picking at the skin around her nails.

"Emma Swans the name" he replied "She's 18, from Boston; I heard she tried to rip out her own heart or something"

"Her heart?" Regina turned in the man's arms to get a better look at his face.

"Apparently some so called 'Evil Queen' was after it and she needed to protect herself" Regina lent back taking in the new information. Was this girl living in some kind of fairy tale? "David caught her roaming the halls earlier, she was looking for someone named August, said he would believe she wasn't crazy" Regina remained silent chewing the inside of her cheek.

"So how long until she's allowed to join the rest of us?" she asked taking hold of his hand, aimlessly playing with his fingers.

"Why don't you ask her yourself" Regina looked up, noticing the unfamiliar figure that was no stood in the middle of the room.

Her eyes scanned the room, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips as her gaze fell across Mary Margaret for a moment she stood there staring, tilting her head to the side, before continuing to look around the room.

Regina remained still as the blonde made eye contact with her, she hadn't even realised she was holding her breath until she felt herself become light headed.

"Funny place to find a queen, cooped up with the mad hatter" Emma grinned walking towards the pair. "Although it doesn't surprise me, do you have his heart too, your majesty" Regina squinted her eyes at the girl in front of her

"I-"

"I what?" she smirked taking a seat across from Jefferson and Regina. She eyed them slowly, dragging her eyes up and down Regina before biting her lip. "I have to say, I preferred you in your royal gowns" she smirked crossing one leg over the other.

Jefferson let out a small laugh beside Regina "I'm sorry, I have an appointment in Hoppers office" he chuckled pushing Regina out of his grip.

Regina continued to stare at the girl in front of her, unsure what to say next.

"Listen, I know who you are. These people in here-" she waved her hand motioning to the staff and other residents in the room "They all think I'm crazy, but I'm not" she laughed shaking her head before standing up and walking towards the brunette. She placed her hands on either side of Regina's face "And I'll prove it" she smirked before ducking her head and placing a quick kiss on the brunettes lips.

 **A/N Please leave a review and let me know if you want me to continue - thank you for reading, N xox**


	2. Sectioned

**A/N Please leave a review. I do not own the characters but I do own the plot and my mistakes (Im also looking for someone to Beta my story).**

 **I know the story currently seems a little sad but it will pick up!**

 **Enjoy!**

The corridors were empty when Regina headed back to her room that afternoon. Lips still felt hot from Emma Swans assault earlier that morning, her mind hadn't stopped replaying the scene in her head, and almost automatically her tongue escaped her mouth, swiping it lightly across her bottom lip. For the first time in 7 years she felt hungry, not the kind of hunger her therapist would be please with, it was the hunger for intimacy, the hunger for someone to want her.

When she reached her room she noticed Nurse Nolan stripping her bed. Rolling her eyes she sighed; _room checks._ "You won't find anything in here today" She smirked leaning against her door frame.

Straightening himself he headed towards a single poster on the wall lifting the corner. Regina felt the air being sucked out the room as he pulled the blue tack off the paper "Is that so Miss Mills?" Pulling apart the putty material a sigh left his lips as he held the small silver blade, "You know I'm going to have to report this to Dr Hopper, don't you?" he sighed.

"Well you don't have to" her eyes dropped to the floor as she scrunched her toes into the carpet "Unless you want him to find out about your little secret" a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she glanced up at him.

"You're bluffing" he breathed taking a step towards her he gripped her wrist and pulled her further into the room. Letting her go he glanced down the hall way before turning back around to face the brunette.

"Go ahead tell him. I'm sure Dr Hopper would be more than interested to discover what his staff are up to after hours" she smirked holding her hand out in front of her "Hand it over"

Eyeing her cautiously he placed the blade back into her hand "Next time it won't be me searching your room, so count yourself lucky this time" he snapped as he grabbed hold of her wrist "And I won't be blackmailed by some crazy little bi-"

"Everything okay here Regina" Letting out a shaky breath pulled her arm out of David's grasp, looking over his shoulder as she noticed Jefferson stood in the door way.

"Everything is just fine, isn't that right Nurse Nolan" she smiled sweetly as the man narrowed his eyes at her.

"Yes everything is fine Jefferson" he muttered "We're not finished here Mills" he whispered as he turned and left the room.

Regina suddenly felt the room spin as she gripped hold of her bed frame; she felt a pair of arms wrap around her slender waist as she was slowly lowered to her bed. "Thank you" she whispered as she let out a shaky breath.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" he asked nodding his head towards the door "Nolan looked pissed" he chuckled as Regina regained her strength.

"He's just pissed because I threatened to expose the dirty pig to Hopper" hearing a gasp from the door way she looked up noticing Mary-Margaret staring at her in shock.

"Regina, I trusted you" she whispered. Regina rolled her eyes pulling her legs beneath her as she leant against the wall.

"You can't seriously believe he loves you" she scoffed "Oh sweetie believe me, you're not the only one he's screwing in the janitor's closet, and it's not like you aren't screwing around with other people"

"You're lying!" she screaming storming towards the brunette before grabbing hold of her hair "Tell me you're lying" Regina grabbed the girls wrists pushing her with as must strength she could to try and pry her off her.

Tears pricked the corner of her eyes, she looked over at Jefferson who was now perched on her bedroom floor, knees drawn up to his chest as he muttered to himself, tapping the side of his head harshly with his fist. "Mary-Margaret get the fuck off me" she cried digging her nails into the girl's wrists as she continued to tug on her hair.

"Get off her you pscho" Regina frowned as she heard the familiar voice shout before the grip on her hair loosened and Mary-Margaret was on the floor. Emma straddled the small woman's waist punching her in the jaw "Never touch her again, do you fucking hear me?" she spat standing up as Mary-Margaret ran out of the room.

The blonde turned around slowly, her breathing uneven as she looked Regina up and down. "I'm sorry I didn't get her sooner" she whispered stepping towards the brunette. Emma knelt on the floor, reaching up to cup the woman's face. Regina closed her eyes as she felt the other woman's thumbs wipe away her tears.

"How did you know?" Regina whispered as she opened her eyes.

"They told me" she whispered. Brown eyes searched blue as she tried to work out who _they_ were, "You need to be more careful causing trouble in here. I can't always be here to protect you."

Regina scoffed turning her head to the side "I don't need your protection". Regina frowned as she noticed Jefferson was no longer sat in her room. "I've been here a lot longer than you Miss Swan and I have managed to get by just fine without your help"

"You think this is getting by" she laughed removing her hand from the woman's face before placing it on Regina's ribs "There's nothing of you" tilting her head to the side she frowned "I'm here to save you, they told me to come and save you, I know who you are, and you don't have to worry." She whispered stroking her side "I'll keep your secret safe until you're better".

"There nothing wrong with _me_ " she screamed kicking the blond away _"You're_ the one that's _crazy_ now leave me alone"

Emma fell backwards, wide eyes searched Regina's as tears continued to make their way down her cheeks. "You'll regret saying this Regina, you do not want to make an enemy out of me" she muttered pushing herself off the floor.

"You don't frighten me" she laughed as she stared at the blonde "There nothing you can do to hurt me that I haven't done already."

A small smirk tugged at the corner of Emma's lips as she turned and headed for the door "Oh and Regina, you have no _idea_ what I'm capable of".

* * *

The treat lingered in the room for the rest on the afternoon, uncertainty bubbled in the brunette's stomach as she lay on her bed. She also felt guilty she shouldn't have said anything to Mary-Margaret, the girl was her friend, the one person who had shown her physical comfort , held her when she cried and whispered words of reassurance after appointments with Dr Hopper. Mary-Margaret knew Regina was frightened of her diagnosis, she knew Regina was scared of dying but she never judged Regina, nor did she force her to do anything she didn't want her to.

Feeling a tear trickle down the side of her face she sighed and rolled of her bed heading to the only other room she felt comfortable in.

Knocking seven times lightly on the door she waited patiently. Smiling sheepishly as the other brunette glared at her Regina bowed her head "I'm sorry" she whispered

Opening the door wider Mary-Margaret allowed her to step past her into her room. Regina glanced around feeling uneasy, too scared to move as she noticed the room was somehow tidier than usual, more guilt flooded her stomach as she realised she had probably triggered the girls OCD.

"He never slept with anyone else" she muttered "And I won't tell Dr Hopper, you have my word" she smiled raising her hand to her chest.

"For a moment I thought I hated you" Regina felt the pain in her chest as the girls words echoed around the room "But then I realised you were just scared, you were trying to hurt others because you were scared." She sighed "So what did he find?"

"A blade" she muttered bowing her head in shame.

Mary Margaret reached for Regina's arm. Pulling up the sleeve she frowned, there were no new visible marks on her arms. "Drop your trousers and lift up your top." She snapped feeling defeated.

Too scared to disobey her friend she complied, her trousers hit the floor first before she pulled her top up to just below her breasts. Mary-Margaret gasped as she stepped forward tracing her fingers along one of the cuts just below Regina's hip. The brunette winced tightening her grip on her top.

"Has Hopper seen these?" Regina shook her head dropping her top before pulling up her trousers. Mary-Margaret frowned before heading over to her bed and laying down. Patting the space next to her Regina smiled crawling on the bed next to her friend as she cuddled into her side. "The blade was clean right?" she muttered into Regina's hair as she ran her fingers down her back.

"I think so" she whispered as she closed her eyes finally feeling safe for the first time that day. "I don't even know why I did it this time. When I stopped I felt guilty, I knew what I did was wrong but I just couldn't stop."

"But you knew it was wrong?" Regina nodded her head.

"For the first time I knew it was wrong. That's why I didn't want David to tell on me, I didn't want Hopper to know because this is progress, I'm making progress" she smiled, a small amount of pride washed over her as she gripped the hand that was now resting on her waist.

"I am proud of you Regina-"

"But?"

"But you need to tell Dr Hopper yourself, you need to explain to him what you just told me. He'll see you're making progress. Perhaps he can allow you to have meals with the rest of us?" she mused running her fingers through Regina's hair.

"You think so?" Regina muttered looking up at her friend.

"I do." Mary-Margaret smiled.

* * *

 _Her mind was running wild. Ana screaming at her for punishing her body with the snack she had been forced to eat. She didn't want to, but she also didn't want to be sectioned. Once she was sectioned she would have no control over her body, and she needed that control; Ana needed that control._

 _She had already thrown up twice, forcing the granola bar back up past her lips and she heaved and heaved until there was nothing else weighing her down. But it wasn't enough, Ana had told her it wasn't enough, she needed to be punished._

 _She stood in the middle of the room, her nails digging into her palm; she shook her head, stripping out of her clothes before walking over to that stupid poster of One Direction that hung on her wall, one of the female nurses had brought it her as a surprise hoping it would cheer the brunette up, but if anything it made things worse, it was just a reminder of the world she was missing out on, a reminder that she had been locked away. Peeling the corner back the pulled off the large blob of blue tack, pulling it apart as she retrieved the silver item._

 _Sighing in relief she kissed the metal, looking down at her stomach she smiled dragging the blade across her skin, it didn't take long before blood was making its way out of her body, but it wasn't enough, she needed more. She repeated the process, attacking more of her stomach before moving down to the tops of her thighs._

 _"no, no ,no" she muttered into the darkness as she pressed her hands to the damaged flesh, "No" she cried trying to smear the blood into her skin "Please stop" she hissed as she fell to the floor, pulling her knees into her chest as she cried herself to a restless sleep._

"Would you be willing to remove your clothes Regina?" Dr Hopper smiled as he placed his note book and pen on the table and lent forward. "If you'd like I can leave the room, Ashley can help you undress and take a few pictures for me"

"No, no it's fine" Regina stood slowly reaching for the hem of her t-shirt as she lifted it over her head. Dr Hopper cleared his throat as he looked at the evidence of Regina's self-punishment. Regina suddenly felt self-conscious, feeling the need to cover up she crossed her arms across her chest. Dr Hopper frowned as he picked up his book again as he scribbled down some notes.

"You can put your shirt back on now Miss Mills" he exhaled clicking his pen as he re-read what he had wrote.

"What are you writing? I said I felt guilty afterwards? This is progress" she stuttered as she pulled her top back over her head.

"I'm afraid not Regina" Her eyes grew wide as she looked around the room, frowning as she shook her head.

"No" she whispered "No, no, this is progress, I'm making progress, and Mary-Margaret said this was progress" she screamed walking backwards until her back hit the wall.

"Regina I need you to calm down" he asked politely as he stood up and made his was over to her.

"Please" she cried "Please don't do this. I can change, I can get better, and I'll _do_ better" she pleaded as her nails dug into the skin of her hips.

"Regina, this isn't the first time I've been asked to review your case this week. You're still refusing to eat at meal times, you're not responding to group therapy, you barely leave you room and now this. Mary-Margaret is not your doctor, nor is she qualified to assess your condition, and she shouldn't be putting that false hope inside your head. I'm afraid I have no other option but to-"

"No" she screamed, slowly sliding down the wall until she hit the floor "Please" she barely whispered

"Regina Mills, I'm afraid I'm going to have to section you under the Mental Health Act, as the patient you will be detained and treated against your will, your wished will be taken into account by the team of medical staff involved in your treatment. Regina this is for your own good, please understand that we are just trying to help you. Both I and Dr French agree that you should be detained for treatment in the interests of your own health and safety. Your mother has already been contacted and we have her written permission to detain you under section three of the Mental Health Act"

Numb. She felt numb, she had been warned over and over again but she had been getting better, "How long?" she muttered

"Sorry? I didn't quite catch that"

"How long" she snapped pulling herself off the floor "How long do you intend on torturing me?"

"Regina, no one is going to torture you" he frowned "This is for your own good. Your care and treatment will be provided in the least restrictive way possible"

"How. Long." She said through gritted teeth

"Six months" She felt dizzy, almost like all the air had been knocked out of her, bracing her hand against the wall behind her she hunched forward feeling the bile making its way up her throat. "Regina I need you to take a deep breath" he soothed pulling his pager out of his pocket.

What felt like seconds later Ashley was holding onto one of Regina's arms whilst the other made its way around her waist to support her as she ease her out of the room and down a narrow corridor. "It's okay sweetie" she smiled rubbing her hand up and down her arm "We're just going to get you bathed and comfortable before I get you fed, weighed and settled back into your room"

Regina nodded, drowning out the girl's voice as she continued to talk to her. A thousand things ran through her head as she tried to process the repercussions of her actions. She wanted to run but she knew it was no use. So she let the nurse strip her, bathe her, feed her and put her to bed. She hadn't said a word, just remained numb as she lay flat on her back staring at the ceiling.

"Regina?" closing her eyes as her bottom lip wobbled she turned her head to the side staring at the woman at her door. "I was too late again wasn't I?"

For some reason the brunette found herself nodding. She knew it wasn't anyone's fault but her own, but she just wanted someone else to blame, anyone else to blame.

"I am sorry" the blonde whispered into the darkness as she crept over to the side of the bed. She knelt to the floor, leaning over the broken brunette as she pushed her hair out of her face. "I promise you won't be alone anymore. Despite who you are, you don't deserve to be alone, no one does"

Regina bit down on her lip, choking back a sob as brown eyes searched blue. "Do you mean it?" she whispered reaching up to grab the hand that was stroking the side of her face.

"I mean it Regina. And I'm sorry about what I said before, I'd never hurt you, I'm here to save you, I'm the saviour." She smiled reassuringly as she tilted her head to the side "You don't believe me right now but you will get your happy ending, I will fix this, I'll fix all of this"

"You're not making an sense" Regina chuckled as she continued to grip Emma's hand.

"Does anything make sense in this world?" she asked raising an eyebrow. "This will all make sense one day; I just have to figure out how to break this curse. I just need to find a way to get you all to believe me" frowning at the blonde statement she pushed herself further towards the wall.

"Do you think you can stay with me tonight?" Regina pleaded opening her arms as she gazed into the blondes eyes

"You know I can't. There will be someone here soon, someone to come watch you" she sighed "I should have gotten here sooner" she muttered to herself as she looked away from Regina.

"I don't want to be alone" she begged reaching out for Emma.

"I wish I could. But for now my broken queen you must sleep. I will get you out of here." Leaning forward she placed a lingering kiss on Regina's cheek as she stood up and headed towards the door. "I will" she promised closing the door behind her.

Regina cried. She cried as Ashley walked into her room to check on her, she cried as the lights flickered seven times in the hallway, she cried as the hospital fell silent and she cried as sunlight flooded her bedroom.

She was truly alone.


	3. Henry

**_A/N I do not own the character but i do own the plot and my mistakes. Sorry for the slow updates but life got in the way, please leave a review as they do motivate me to update sooner._**

Regina was woken up a little after seven the next morning. Her limbs were stiff and her throat was sore. She was sure by now her throat would permanently feel numb after the many years of dry heaving, but today was different, today she was feeling the effects of the sobs that crawled up her esophagus, out of her mouth and into the darkness. She lingered in bed whilst her nurse did a sweep of the room.

Everyone else was still asleep, Regina was sure of it; she would have been woken up earlier to have her weigh in, breakfast and meeting with Dr Hopper all before 9 am. She didn't mind, she was an early riser anyway, but now being forced to comply with everything that was going to be thrown t her, she wasn't sure she would be able to handle it. How could she be prepared to give someone the control over her body that she had worked so long on obtaining herself? Cora, her mother, had taken everything else away and now this?

"Come on Regina, the sooner we get you up, the sooner we can get you weighed and fed" Rolling her eyes at the enthusiasm in Ashley's voice she sighed as she slowly stood up and followed the blonde down the corridor and into the private examining room.

The room was white, dimly lit, and smelt like bleach. It was different to any other room on the ward; it felt alien, leaving Regina feeling uncomfortable and tense. Her gaze shifted around the room noticing the measuring charts and scales across from her. She had been weighed before but usually it was in one of the smaller rooms closer to her room, one that had tan walls, and warm lights, one that made her feel safe and more at ease.

"Um Regina, are you listening to me?" Ashley asks cautiously as she stands in front of the brunette waving her hand lightly. "I asked if you'd please remove your dressing gown and step onto the scales please."

"Yes" she replies slowly. Untying her robe from around her waist she lets it fall off her shoulders and onto the floor. She notices Ashley's gaze lingering on her waist a little longer than she'd liked, but she doesn't say anything, she doesn't have the energy. "I'm sorry" she whispers as she steps onto the scales turning her head away from the woman.

"Sorry?" Ashley frowns as she adjusts the height recorder so that its level with Regina's head. She makes quick work of noting down her height and weight before calculating the woman's BMI.

"For when you first tried to do this, and well I" her voice grew smaller as she drew her nail across her thigh "I can't imagine that went down well with Hopper" she smiled sheepishly.

"Oh yes, that" Ashley winced "It was nothing I couldn't handle, and the fault was mine, but I still have my job don't I so all is not lost." She chuckled "I also probably shouldn't be discussing this with you" she rambled helping Regina back into her robe. "Now back to the real work." She smiled guiding Regina over to the small desk and chairs across from each other in the corner of the room.

"So this is where you issue me my punishment right?" the brunette scoffed as she took a seat

"Regina this is not a punishment, we're here to help you. Now here I have two diaries, one to monitor your eating behaviour's and another for you to use to write down your thoughts and feelings towards food. Now this is compulsory as part of your treatment and you will be asked to bring these diaries with you to your appointments with myself and Dr Hopper. Now do you have any questions?" she asked sliding the two black diaries over to the younger woman.

"I I I mean, no I don't think so" she stuttered taking the diaries in between her fingertips.

"Well then, I think that my primary assessment over and done with, I do believe Dr Hopper has an appointment with you this morning" Regina nodded her head, pulling her lip between her teeth as she bit it anxiously, "Come on dear, we don't want to keep the man waiting now do we"

Standing up on shaking legs she hesitantly followed Ashley to Dr Hopper's office.

"Regina, Please come in" Dr Hopper greeted her as she stood beside Ashley in the doorway of his office. "Ashley may I have a word outside" he asked ushering the woman out of the room as she waved goodbye to Regina.

She stood alone in the room, paranoia stroking the back of her skull as she thought about what Ashley and Hopper were discussing about her on the other side of the door. It was then that the thoughts of when it all began resurfaced.

 _It was the headache that hit her first. The constant pounding, all day long, even in her dreams. There was this feeling of light-headedness, the constant confusion of whether or not she was really here, the state of dreaming, but really being awake. She had always been hyper aware of food. The awareness of food around her, someone could be opening a sandwich behind her and she'd smell it. She had become obsessive with cooking, baking pies and cakes for her father, enjoying the way the recipes came to life, but never daring to taste them._

 _"This one is good" her father would hum as he took a bite out of a muffin "Have you tried this one sweetheart, I think this is my favourite one yet" he'd push the sweet treat towards her but she'd always recoil, shaking her head before turning around and running out of the room. Avoiding temptation had always meant avoiding people, and for that reason alone she had always felt lonely._

 _But it was the voice in the back of her head that would keep her company, praising her when she had gone a day, a week, a month without a meal, but then turning on her, screaming at her if she had a binge, begging her to purge it all back up, asking her to punish herself for her failures. At times she would ask herself if this was all worth it, the loss of her sanity, the loss of her family, and the worst, a loss of a child._

Dr Hopper is grinning to himself when he re-enters the room, "Please do take a seat" he gestures towards the plush sofa in the corner of the room. As she sits down he watches her, his gaze travelling up and down her body as he picks up his note pad and begins making notes.

"I haven't said anything yet?" Regina frowns as she watches him scribble words onto the page. Regina glances at the clock 7:36am, she should be in the dining hall and Jefferson should be mocking her from across the room whilst Mary-Margaret chuckles at his antics.

"I'm just noting observations Regina, nothing to worry about" he smiles enthusiastically making the woman's stomach churn unpleasantly, "Now, I've spoken to Ashley about your treatment plan and we think that it will be safer for you to begin your recovery slowly. We have a target of gaining 0.5lbs a week, and we'll increase your food intake from there."

"I want to talk to my mother" she snapped crossing her arms across her chest. "I want to know what's happening out there," she nodded in direction to the window "I want to know what's happening to my _son."_

"Regina, as part of your section you are refrained from having visitors at this current time until we can see that you are committed to your recovery," he leans forward, adjusting his position as he toys with his pen between his fingertips "Now, you mentioned your son, tell me about him".

 _"Have you seen Henry?" Regina asks as she dashes into her mother's study breathlessly. Henry had insisted on a game of hide and seek, begging her to play with him, his bottom lip poking out as he widened his eyes, forcing tears to the brim, but how could she deny him?_

 _"Your father is in his office Regina" Cora snapped "Now stop running around this house like a child"_

 _"I wasn't referring to daddy, I was wondering if you had seen my Henry" she chuckles as she rests her hands on her hips "He's getting good at this game."_

 _Cora sighs, removing her glasses from her face before rubbing her temples. "Regina how many times have we been over this," she mutters "Henry isn't here"_

 _"Well yes I know he's not here, he's hiding somewhere, I was just wondering if you had se-"_

 _"No!" Her mother's harsh tone startles her as she takes a step back "I cannot deal with this behaviour right now Regina, you know where he is, and he isn't here. You didn't deserve that little boy, and you're ridiculous obsession with your body has caused this family a great loss" she hissed "Now will you grow up and stop pretending he is here, when because of you he never even got to open his eyes"_

 _She grips her stomach, digging her nails into the skin as tears brim her eyes "You're lying" she breaths shaking her head "He was here, we were playing. Today was my day, today it was my turn to look after him, you and Zelena can have him any other day of the week but today is my turn" Cora flinches as she watches her daughter sink to the floor._

 _"Regina, he's not here" she breathes as she stands up from her desk and makes her way to her broken daughter._

 _"You're just keeping him from me, you and Zelena, that's what you do, I watched you take him from me" she chokes as her mother pushes the hair out of her face._

 _"How about I take you to his grave tomorrow, we can see him then" Cora asks as she watches her daughter frown._

Regina shrugs "I don't know where he is." She turns away from the man, tucking her legs beneath her as she looks out of the window "She blames me for him leaving us, but she took him from me."

"Who?"

"My mother," she hisses her hands forming fists by her sides, "Or my sister, I know one of them has him." She hears the man sigh from in front of her, whipping her head around to face him she scowls at him "Let me guess, you don't believe me either?"

"It's not about believing you or not Regina, how about a compromise?" he suggests "You eat your meals this week, you make significant progress, and with a nurse present we can perhaps take you to see your son?"

"You-You would do that? For me?" she untucks her legs from beneath her, leaning forward as she clasps her hands together in front of her.

"It could be arranged, but first Regina I need to start seeing progress, are you willing to do that?" he questions her as she grins widely at him.

"Yes" the words are out of her mouth before she realises what she's agreeing to, but she needs to do this, she needs to know where her little boy is. "But you cannot tell my mother, you cannot let her know" she grimaces as her yes grow wide.

Before either Regina or Doctor Hopper are aware of what is happening, the door to his office is thrown open as a figure charges into the room and straight to Regina. The brunette gasps as she feels herself being pulled to her feet.

"Miss Swan!" he shouted as the blonde charged into the room "You do not enter a room unannounced when I am with a patient"

"Are you alright?" the blonde asked breathlessly taking the brunettes face in between her hands before looking her up and down, searching for any signs of pain or discomfort "Did he hurt you? Has anyone done anything to you?" Regina smiled at the other woman's worry, it had been a very long time since someone had felt this passionately about protecting her and making sure she was okay, before shaking her head.

"As you can see Miss Swan me and Regina are currently in a session, if there is anything you would like to discuss with me or Miss Mills you are to do it at a time that is relevant or do I have to remove you social privileges away from you?" he warned stepping beside Regina.

Emma's eyes slowly left Regina's face as she turned and looked at Dr Hopper "I was just making sure that you animals we're tying her to a chair and force feeling her through a tube" she bite back harshly causing Regina to flinch.

"Em- Sorry, Miss Swan, Regina is safe, anything that is to happen to her from the point forward is to be done in the interest of her well-being and safety.

"Emma they might let me see my son" Regina smiles excitedly as she grips hold of the other woman's hands tightly.

"Son?" Emma frowns pulling away from the woman "But that's not happened yet, that's not part of your timeline here, that shouldn't have happened yet"

"W-what do you mean?" Regina pulls her hands out of Emma's flinching as each word leaves the other woman's lips "Not you too" she breaths as another wave of tears battle their way past her eye lids, but she suppresses them, she will not cry again.

"Miss Swan, as you can see you are putting my patient under distress, now please, return to your room" he nods to someone behind Emma, who makes quick work of removing the blonde from the room.

"I do apologies for that sudden outburst Regina, that will not happen again." He hisses as he exhales harshly "It's quite clear that Miss Swan is very protective of you. Is that something you would like to discuss?"

"No" she answers quickly as she sits back on the edge of her chair

"I hope you and Miss Swan are aware that relationships between residents are forbidden, and if something were to happen there will be consequences" he warned as Regina turned away from him "So Regina, can you please confirm that nothing is happening between you and Miss Swan?"

Regina turned to him, her eyes meeting his as she leant forward "Nothing is happening between me and Miss Swan _Doctor Hopper"_

"Well then Regina, I guess that wraps this session up, have you been down for breakfast yet this morning?" Regina shakes her head "Right, I assume someone will be here shortly to take you, don't forget to record your progress in those diaries, and we'll discuss them in our next session" he grins as he closes his note book.

"You and Mary-Margaret scared the crap out of me the other day" Jefferson comes up behind her as she watches Blue pack her tray with berries, porridge and a large serving of syrup, she almost gags as another scoop of blueberries are piled into her bowl "Are you even listening to me?" he nudges her as she turns to look at him.

"I'm not meant to be talking to anyone whilst I'm in the dining room, please don't ruin this for me" she hisses "I'll talk to you later" she promises as she steps closer to Blue.

"Is there anything else you'd like?" the petite woman asks Regina as she eyes the breakfast buffet.

"I thought I was only meant to be gaining half a pound, not 100" she scoffs as she waves her hands in direction of her heaped tray

"Don't exaggerate Regina, There is no more here than an average adult would consume on an average morning, now is that all, are we set?" she smiles as Regina nods her head cautiously. "Right come on then, let's get you fed"

Breakfast was a struggle; Regina could feel everyone's eyes on her whilst she lifted her spoon and brought it to her lips. With wary slow bites she swallows, bringing her hand to cover her mouth as she forces herself not to gag.

"That's my girl" Blue nudges her enthusiastically as Regina pulls a tight smile at the older woman. "Just a few more mouthfuls and I think we'll be done here and you're free to roam the halls" she chuckles.

"Well not exactly free, I'm sure on of you will be following me around, and then you'll come for me at lunch time and then for dinner" Regina sighs dramatically as Blue shakes her head at the brunette.

"I did warn you, and you need to stop acting like we're doing this to punish you, this is for-"

"for my own good, yes I know" she rolls her eyes as she brings another spoon to her mouth. "How long have we been here now?" she asks as the metal reaches her lips. As part of her program she is only aloud 20 minutes to finish her meal, or at least an acceptable amount, and if that is not eaten, the food is to be carried over to have with her lunch and so on until all meals have been eaten. Along with a glass of orange juice, and a glass of milk.

"Just under 10 minutes" Regina groans as she swallows thickly already feeling herself grow full, but she knows that two spoonful's will not be enough, not in Hoppers eyes anyway, and she needs to see her son. "The less you think about it, the easier it will be, now I reckon, four more heaped spoons and you'll be done, just don't think about it dear"

"That's easy for you to say" she mutters as she takes another spoonful. She can hear the voice in the back of her head tormenting her with threats as she swallows the thick substance. _That ling bitch it doesn't get easier_ bile rises up her esophagus burning the back of her throat as she takes deep breaths. "Do you think I could perhaps have a glass of water?"

"Why don't you have a sip of your orange juice?" _liquid calories_ the thought makes her retch as she closes her eyes. With shaky fingers she reaches for her glass, silently repeating Henry's name over and over again as she takes a sip, it washes away the burn but still leaves her feeling guilty. "Better?" Regina tries to nod but her body remains numb.

She takes her final bite as a beeping starts going off beside her "Right that's 20 minutes up, and you did really well today Regina I'm proud of you, now you get writing in those diaries whilst I clean these up" she motioned towards the cutlery and bowls in front of them.

Regina heads back to her room, a small smiles tugging at the corner of her lips as she thinks about the small progress she's made, perhaps this is good for her. She hums an old nursery rhyme to herself as she quickens her pace not wanting to bump into Jefferson and hear him try and convince her that she's been _poisoned_ by them or something. She chuckled as she remembered his previous warnings when she had first arrived _Don't eat it Regina, its poisonous, they get paid to fix people like us but its bullshit, they'd rather keep us in here, away from society, away from where we are seen as abnormalities._

A shriek left the brunettes lips as she was pulled into a small closet beside her. Punching the figure in front of her she begins to scream for help before a hand is placed across her mouth, she bites the flesh of the person pressing themselves closer to her

"Fuck Regina what the hell" the blonde hisses as she pulls her hand away from Regina.

"Emma?" she asks breathlessly as her eyes try to make out the features of the woman trapping her against the wall. "What do you mean what the hell? You just grabbed me and threw me into a- a- janitor's closet?" she winced instantly knowing what exactly happens in the particular closet "Of course I'm going to try and defend myself, you could have been any of the crazy fuckers in here"

"Well I'm not and you're safe so stop panicking" she reassured the brunette as she felt her breathing regulate itself "Now that I've got you alone I thought we could talk?"

"It's awfully tight in here" Regina hisses as Emma pushes her further into the corner of the closet "Emma what are you doing?"

"Shh" her voice is low and raspy as she covers Regina's mouth with her hand "I have a plan. But first I just need to-" Emma's hand is replaced by her mouth as she pushes the older woman further into the darkness. She hums in surprise feeling herself melt into the kiss as Emma's hands fall to her waist, but the moment is taken away from her as Emma pulls back a few paces, searching the brunettes eyes. "God even in this fucked up situation you're still beautiful" she groans as she presses her forehead against Regina's.

"Emma I need to kn-"

"No please, I can't explain right now, not in here" she sighs shaking her head. "There is just too much at risk and I can't put you in harm's way right now. If they find out who you are they'll-" her voice broke as she looked to the floor, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"Who am I Emma?" Regina frowns, cupping the girls face in between her hands.

She tilts her head to the side, "Regina, I can't tell you here, but I need you to trust me, can you do that?" she whispers as she leans further into the woman. Her lips land back on Regina's with ease, the gently press of her mouth against her felt so right, she kisses her back with every ounce of need that had been building up inside her for the last couple of days, she replays Hoppers words in her head, the nagging at the back of her mind telling her this is wrong, but how can something that feels so right be so wrong?

Regina's tongue peaks out from between her lips, surprising the blonde as she opens her mouth granting the other woman access as she surrenders further into the kiss, her satisfied moan muffled against Regina's lips. She explores the blonde who is pressing against her, and Emma returns the gesture just as eagerly, breathing in each other's moans as she grazes her teeth across Regina's bottom lip. Their bodies mold together, Emma's fingers digging further into her waist as she winces.

"Emma" she rasps as the blonde pulls back and looks at her, her eyes are dark, full of lust as she stares at her. She knows this isn't the time or place for this but she can't herself, she wants this, she wants _her_.

"Did I hurt you?" Emma panics as she searches Regina's eyes, she nods slightly mentally cursing herself for her previous act of stupidity. Emma hands shift beneath Regina's shirt, stroking the cuts that litter her skin. "Regina, I can't do this" she whispers dropping her head to the other woman's shoulder "Not in here"

"You don't want me?" Regina sobs as she push's Emma off her.

"Regina, don't be ridiculous, it's not like that" Emma frowns reaching for Regina's wrist "This isn't about your _condition-"_

 _"_ My _condition_?" Regina hisses pulling herself out of Emma grasp "I'm not some charity case you can use to make you feel like a hero, I'm not a charity case, I don't need your pity, I have enough of this around here"

"Would you stop fighting me for one second and listen to me" Emma snapped pinning the brunette to the wall behind her, her hands gripping her upper arms "This has nothing to do with your eating disorder, or depression, this is to do with your lack of knowledge of who _you_ really are, of who _I_ really am"

"Then please do enlighten me Miss Swan because right now you're giving me a headache"

Regina squints and turns her head to the side as light floods the small closet "Emma? Regina? What are you doing in here?"

 **A/N If some of you are confused as to why Regina may struggle to believe whether her son is alive or not, a side effect of some medication taken by depressed individuals is memory loss, especially during the time they were on the drug.**


End file.
